The DPA: Episode One!!! (Another weird Danfic!)

[mychemicalromance]

Hey hey! At the request of Rados...I'm proud to present my "masterpiece" Entiled The DPA: Episode one....

Disclaimer: I don't hate Emma Watson...she just makes a good villan! Yays for Em!!


[glow=red,2,300]Chapter 1[/glow]

*Mysterious Music plays as Dan enters the Danluvahs Protection Office "Specializing in EW Pest Control".*

Dan: Hello?

*Lyly, Kate, Jada, and Kells sat at their desks reading and filing their nails (whatever). They looked up in shock.*

Kate: Yes?

Jada: How can we help you?

Dan: I need someone to protect me.

Kells: From what?

Dan: Emma....(BUM BUM BUM)

*Girls scream in horror.*

Dan: Please help me I have no where else left, no other agency would help!

Kate: Oh no, we'll help you! You just startled us a little!

*Girls nod their heads in agreement.*

Dan: Sorry. So do you need any information?

Lyly: We'll need to know where you live.

Kells: Where you work.

Jada: We'll have to follow you around as well.

Dan: All of you? Won't that seem a little suspicious?

Lyly: We'll be in the shadows.

Kate:Behind plants and things (Rhonna! I hope she reads this!) You'll never know we're there!

Dan: Well maybe one of you could you know pretend to be my girlfriend to ward off Emma..(BUM BUM BUM)

Jada: We have the perfect agent!

Dan: Who?

*The door bursts open and I stumble in hair messy, and coffee clutched on one hand.*

Rachel: Sorry I'm late, you wouldn't believe what that party at the Danshrine did last-

Dan: Hello.

Rachel: OH! *mutters a few swear words under breathe.* Hello.

Kells: That's her. *Restrains giggles, everyone were already bursting.*

Dan: Nice to meet you, I'm Dan.

Rachel: .....*Regains composure.* Of course you are...I mean...Rachel...*Shakes hand.*

Lyly: Rach, you're going to pretend to be his girlfriend.

*Kells and Jada crack up.*

Rachel: What?...Why me?...I mean not that I wouldn't want to...oh damn...*Gets confuzzled.*

Jada: If you don't want to then-

Rachel: WHOAH WHOAH! I never said that!

Kells: Well you better get ready to act unsuspicious because you start today.

Rachel: TODAY? Well....alright....

*Dan leaves his addresses behind and phone numbers.*

Dan:Should we go then?

Rachel: Yeah..sure...

*Dan turns to leave while Rachel gives the girls a "WHY?" hopeless look and turns to leave as well.*

*They leave for the hallway and halfway down the hall we hear a loud scream come from the office.*

Rachel: Hehehe...sorry they always do that when I leave!

Dan: *Laughs.* It's alright. I have to be at work soon so I guess we'll start there.

Rachel: Alright.


Rados's note: Sorry, but your misspeliing of "weird" was driving me mad!

[mychemicalromance]

That's all for tonight....I'll post lots more next week!

(I'm digging this [glow=red,2,300]glow[/glow] thing! hahaha!)

[glow=red,2,300]~Rachie~[/glow]

[Rados]

[glow=green,2,300]Haha, thanks Rach. I love the glowing letters too![/glow]

[beep1012]

[glow=blue,2,300]I love it too.[/glow] I love this blue one better than any other.

[Rados]

Ho-hum, while we're glowing...

[glow=red,2,300]Red[/glow]
[glow=blue,2,300]Blue[/glow]
[glow=yellow,2,300]Yellow[/glow]
[glow=green,2,300]Green[/glow]
[glow=purple,2,300]Purple[/glow]

Can't wait for more! I missed most of the story when it was posted in the Shrine...

[mychemicalromance]

*A black car sat out on the curb waiting for them. and they climbed in.
Driver: Where too?
Rachel:KELLS?
Kells: SHHH! I'm in desguise remember?
Rachel: HOW did you get down here before us?
Kells: I have my ways.
*She gives Dan a suggestive wink and pulls the car way.*
Rachel: Hehehe....So how long until we're there?
Kells:About five minutes. So Dan, you don't have a real girlfriend that will kill Rachel when she finds out do you?
Dan: No...well...not unless you count Emma...(BUM BUM BUM)
*Kells slams on the breaks.*
Kells: What?
Dan: She's not really my girlfriend she just thinks she is!
Kells: Right. *Starts going again.*
*Drive in silence and pull up to studio.*
Kells: We're here!
Rachel: Right.
*They enter the studio as Kells pulls away from the curb.*
Rachel: Here we go!
Dan:Yep. Give me your hand.
Rachel: Why?
Dan: We have to make it look convincing right?
Rachel: RIGHT! *Takes hand and shivers.*
*We entered the studio hand in hand (squeeee!) and almost immeadiatly run into Emma...(BUM BUM BUM).*
Emma: DANIEL!
Dan: Oh fu*k....hehe..Hey Emma how's it going?
Emma: Fabulous! Come on I want to show you my new dressing room. *She pulls him ahead but since I'm holding his hand I plant my feet so she wouldn't pull me too. When she gets yanked back she looks in my direction confussed.*
Dan: Emma this is my girlfriend, Rachel. (SQUEEEE!)
Emma: Wha-? That's impossible I've never met her before! She can't be your girlfriend.
Rachel: He doesn't need to "run me by you" for the "okay". *Evil staring contest.*
Dan: Better get going! I need to be in make up!
Emma: Right...see you later then...
Dan: Mmmmm
*We walk away leaving Emma rooted to the spot...seething.*
*Me and Dan entered the dressing room. To my left was Devon Murray and some other extras. I took a seat behind Dan's make up chair.*
Dan: This may take a while you okay with that?
Rachel: Oh, yeah sure...
*A woman started applying consealer on Dan's perfect features. (hahaha)He pulled out his ipod and plugged one earpiece in. The door opened and Rupert came in and sat in the chair next to Dan.*
Rupert: Hey man.
Dan: Hey, this is my girlfriend Rachel. *He gestured behind him and I turned the brightess red. I was about to be summed up by Rupert Grint!*
Rupert: Oh nice to meet you, I'm Rupert.
Rachel: Hi. Nice to meet you too.
Rupert: *Whispering to Dan (but thanks to the ear pieces and microphones that all of the Danluvahs were wearing we could hear everything) he said.* Has Emma seen her yet?
Dan: Yeah...
Rupert: She went balistic?
Rachel: That's putting it lightly. *I covered my mouth in horror hoping that Rupert didn't hear me.*
Rupert: What?
Rachel: I didn't say anything...*Looked away and decided to get some coffee or something. I told Dan I was going to look around and he gave me a VIP pass so I wouldn't get kicked out.*
*On my way to get coffee I spotted Emma...(BUM BUM BUM). She was standing next to Bonnie Write raving on and on about something I couldn't hear so I moved closer in order to get her on the micro phone.*
Emma: AND he said she was his girlfriend!
Bonnie: You don't say! *She obviously was uninterested.*
Emma: She's not even pretty! *My jaw dropped from behind the clothes rack.* What does she ahve that I don't have?
Bonnie: A softer voice?
Emma: Ughh I can't BELIEVE IT! I'll get him back...you just wait!
Bonnie: I can't wait.
*Unfortunatly my cover was blown when she walked around the rack to my side.*
Emma: Well, well , welll, looky here...
*Damn.*
Bonnie: This her?
Emma: Yeah.
*Pretended to look confussed.*
Bonnie: I'm Bonnie, it's noce to meet you.
Rachel: Rachel, pleased to meet you too.
Bonnie: Well I have to go get fitted for my costume bye you guys. *She walked past me and whispered.* I'm rooting for you.
* Smiled and turned to Emma...(BUM BUM BUM) who was staring me in the face.*
Emma: So how long have you known Dan?
Rachel: Oh about one day. *That should frost her cookies! Hahaha I laughed inside the evil laugh.*
Emma: Oh.
Rachel: Yeah he's really sweet. I really like him...
Emma: Listen you @%^$!, *I was appauled.* You think you can take Dan away you've got another thing comming!
Rachel: I don't know what you mean. *I stepped closer to her so I could get her voice over the microphone.*
*On the other side of the microphone and Danluvah agents were stations at various parts of the studio listening.*
Lyly:Should we move in for back up?
Kells: Naw give her a minute.
Jada: Yeah she'll handle it plus I've just sent in Nicole.
Emma:You know damn well what I'm talking about!
Director: Emma you're needed on set!
*I looked in the direction of the voice behind me it was Nicole.*
Emma: Can't it wait?
Nicole: Not itf you want to get fired!
Emma: You wouldn't fire me! Who'd play Hermione?
Nicole: Oh I don't know, your friend there could pull it off. *OH YEAH!*
Emma: HMPF!*She marched off.*
Rachel: Thanks.
Nicole: No problem.
*I decided to make my way back to the dressing room, or in other words, safety.*

Sorry if it's squished together...did this in a hurry!

~Rachel~

[Rados]

That's okay! Can't wait for next week's!

[mychemicalromance]

*After an hour Dan emerged from the make up trailer fully potterized. And we made our way to the set.*
A voice: Dan!
*We whipped around it was Bonnie.*
Dan: Hey Bonnie, what's up?
Bonnie: Emma's going insame in the dressing room.
Dan: Right.
Bonnie: Seems she's a bit tiffed that you've found another girl.
Dan: Yeah well she'll have to get over it or get fired.
Bonnie: Oh well she won't leave until she sees you.
Dan:Oh God....come on....
*We went in the direction of her dressing room. There were bangs and crashes heard fro outside the door as we approached. This was it, she's cracked.*
Dan: Emma?
*Emma opened the door and poked out her head.*
Emma: Come in.
*She held open the door and let him past but she shut the door in my face.I tryed the handle but it was locked. I pushed a button on my bracelet and around the corner came Nicole and Jada. Jada posing as Dan's assistant.*
Rachel: She locked the door.
Nicole: Right *She pulled out her keys and unlocked the door.
*We escorted Dan out of the building. Nicole stayed behind because after all she was the director and she couldn't up and leave. We paged Kells and a black car pulled up the the curb we all stepped in.*
Kells: What happened? *Dan's shirt was ripped.*
Dan: Emma aftershock! *He laughed.*
Jada: No joke, she had him cornered!
Rachel: She slammed the door in my face! She's so immature.
Dan: Yeah I can't wait until the press release. I have to stay with her in a room and answer questions. The minute Rupert takes a trip to the bathroom I'm toast!
Rachel:Yes but you're assistant will be able to get in! If not me that is...
Jada: That's right...I've got your back.
Kells: Anyone hungry?
Rachel:Yes.
Jada: Yeah.
Dan: Definately.

*The next day things started to get rocky. I was asleep and sprawled out across my bed, drooling on the sheets when the phone rang. I muttered a few choice words under my breath and picked up the receiver, it was Dan.*
Rachel: Wassamatter?
Dan: Emma just called. She wants to make amends with me.
Rachel: Right. How?
Dan: At dinner later today.
Rachel: Sounds suspicious…
Dan: You think?
Rachel: Yeah…did she say where?
Dan: Yeah some Italian place on 22nd Street.
Rachel: Right, well, we’ll go and plant some agents then meet her there later.
Dan: Right.
Rachel: …..so
Dan: ….well I better get to bed. Got a big day ahead of me.
Rachel: Right, of course. Well goodnight then.
Dan: Good night.
*I slowly set down the receiver and wiggled and squirmed around in excitement. I mentally chanted “I’m going out with Daniel, I’m going out with Daniel!” But then I saw what a total idiot I was making out of myself and decided to call the Danluvahs for a meeting.*
* We met in the Danshrine (hahaha) and sat in a circle on squishy counches and armchairs while munching twinkies, dan-ahoys, and sipping Dan-aid.*
Kate: So what’s the story?
Rachel: Dan called me.
Lyly: Lucky.
Rachel: And he said Emma invited him to dinner.
Rhonna: Ah so she came crawling back on her knees I see?
Kells: That’d be funny to see!
Rachel: Anyway I told him we’d set up some agents and keep a look out.
Lyly: Right. So how’s this going to work?
Rachel: So…
*I rode with Kells and Dan to the restaurant. I watched him step out of the car after giving us the thumbs up. We rode around to the back of the restaurant and hopped out of the car to get into position. We entered through the back door and into the kitchens. Rhonna wore a chef’s uniform, Lyly in her waitress get up, Kate was out front posing as hostess, Kells took the role as bus girl, while me and Jada dressed in wigs and makeup to sit at a nearby table in order to spy.*
Rhonna: Right you guys ready?
Rachel: It’s now or never. We better get going Jada.
Jada: Right.

[mychemicalromance]

*Jada and myself made our way out the back door and walked around to the front of the restaurant. In the seating area there was Dan standing next to Emma. Kate asked them to follow her. And they were seated. She came back towards us and winked as we took our seats at the booth in front of theirs.*
Emma: I’m so glad you came.
Dan: Yeah well I was releuctant, you did try to trap me yesterday.
Emma: Yeah about that, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.
Dan: I could guess.
Emma: Right about your new girlfriend-
Lyly: Hey how are you guys this evening? Can I take your drink orders?
Emma: Well actually-
Dan: Yeah I’ll have some tea. (does he drink tea?)
Lyly: Alright. And for you miss? *Lyly put some annoyance on the end.*
Emma:…I’ll just have water thanks. *How boring. I rolled my eyes at Jada she nodded in agreement.*
Lyly: I’ll be right back with your orders then.
Dan: Thank you.
*When Emma didn’t say thank you Lyly came to our table and gave us a look of disgust.*
Lyly: Can’t even say thank you! Hmpf!
Rachel: You’re doing great.
Lyly: Thanks.
Jada: Hey can you brink me back a glass of Wine? (hehehe)
Lyly: Yeah, but do be thinking it’s free! We still have to pay for stuff you know!
Jada: Yeah, yeah.
*Lyly walked back into the kitchen and I turned my attention to Dan and Emma.*
Dan: So what were you going to say?
Emma: Right. Your girlfriend. How long have you known, what’s-her-name?
*My jaw dropped. That little…*
Dan: I’ve know Rachel for about 2 weeks.
*NO! I said one day! I looked at Jada in horror. Her eyes were as big as saucers.*
Emma: Really? She said she’d only known you for one day.
* I shook my head. Let’s see how he gets us out of this shall we?*
Dan: Well…you see…
Lyly: Here’s your tea!
*Oh LYLY! THANK GOD!*
Dan: Yes, thank you. *He said thank you as if he was dying of thirst.*
Emma: You were saying Dan?
Lyly: Would look like to order your food now?
Emma: Excuse me-
Dan: YES! I-I’ll have the steak, medium rare, with a baked potato and extra sour cream.
Lyly: Excellent. *She sounded thoroughly amused.*
Dan: Emma?
Emma: Right. I’ll just have the ceaser salad with the dressing on the side.
Lyly: Right.
Dan: Excellent choice. *Dan said as he reached for his half empty iced tea.*
Lyly: It shouldn’t take long.
* Lyly walked back to our table gave us a wink and returned to the kitchen.*
Jada: *whispering.* Hey where’s my wine?
Emma: Well?
Dan: Well what?
Emma: You know what.
Dan: Right, I think I need more tea…
Emma: Dan!
Dan: Alright! I’ve had my eye on her for two weeks but only just met her two days ago.
* I grinned and blushed. Jada mouthed something that looked like, “Smooth.”*
Emma: Right well where did you meet?
*What’s with the third degree? Gees woman!*
Dan: Erm….at the cinemas…
*Good I thought.*
Emma: The cinemas?
Dan: Yes, she…um…spilt her popcorn and I thought I’d be a gentleman and buy her a new one.
Rachel: He makes me sound like a total clutz!*As soon as I said that I knocked over my water glass sending cold ice water into my lap.* OH! COLD!
*Jada broke into a fit of giggles and Kells came running up to our table to help me cleen up. She was giggling too.*
Kells: I saw the whole thing. You should have seen your face when it landed in your lap!
Rachel: Right.
Emma: Er…how romantic. I always knew you were a gentleman.
Dan: Yeah thanks.
*Lyly came bustling out of the kitchen with to meals and a glass of wine. (haha) She left the wine on the tray and went to Dan and Emma’s table.*
Lyly: Your salad. *It sounded like she had tossed it on to the table because it make a loud ‘clunk’.*
Emma: Watch it! *I figured some of the contents had flown out of the bowl because the next thing I know I see a piece of salad fly past my head.*
Lyly: So sorry. It slipped.
*I snorted.*
Lyly: And your steak. *She of course set it down gently.*
Dan: Thank you. Um can I have some more tea?
Lyly: Of course! *She said as sweetly as possible taking the glass and moving to our table.* Here’s your wine Jada, sorry I forgot-
*She looked at my soaked lap.*
Lyly: Gees, I didn’t think the salad thing would be THAT funny!
Rachel: I didn’t soil myself! I just spilled a little water!
Jada: A little water? Your whole glass is empty including the ice!
Lyly: Right. *She giggled.* I have to go fill his tea! If you know what I mean! *She winked and Jada snorted in her wine glass.*
Emma: Do you like her?
Dan: Who? *It sounded like his mouth was full of food.*
Emma: Your girlfriend silly!
Dan: Obviously. If I didn’t she wouldn’t be my girlfriend.
* I looked at Jada who smiled.*
Emma: I see. *She sounded bummed.*
Dan: Yep…Em, don’t cry!
* My eyes widened and I took a peek around the booth and sure enough she was crying.*
Emma: S-sorry. I’m just being silly-
*I snorted. I’ll say.*
Emma: I guess I just hoped you and me would get together.
Dan: I don’t feel that way.
Emma: Right. *She stood up.* Please excuse me I have to go to the ladies room.
*It all went it slow motion to me. When she stood up she ran into Kells who was carrying dirty plates covered in some sort of dark brown sauce. The sauce came in contact with Emma’s bright white blouse when they collided sending Her into shock and Kells into a fit of giggles. Emma looked at her fiercely…*
Emma: How dare you!
Kells: I-I’m s-sorry. *She stuttered because she was trying to hold back laughter.*
Emma: Sorry’s not good enough. *Emma whipped around and dumped her salad (which was covered in dressing) on Kells’s head.*
Kells: Oh my- *But she couldn’t finished because Emma had delievered a punch to her face. Dan sat stunned in his chair. As Kells sank to the ground I stood up and rushed to her side so she wouldn’t hit the floor. Of course in that process my wig had flown off but thank goodness the water had dried on my pants. Emma stooped down and picked up the wig. Slowly she put two and two together.*
Emma: YOU!
Rachel: What? * Tried to put on innocent act but for some reason I don’t think it worked.*
Emma: You followed us! You spied on me and I bet you made it so SHE *She pointed at Kells who was clutching her bleeding nose.* would run into me and cover me in this…
Rachel: Whoah! I have no idea what you’re talking about!
Emma: Oh so you just happened to be at the same restaurant as me and Dan also wearing a disguise?
Rachel: Mmm..yeah..sure
Emma: Arggg! You are going to get it! And you won’t know where, when, or ho-
*A splashing sound filled the air as a glass of iced tea dripped down Emma’s frontside. Lyly stood behind Emma looking triumphant.*
Lyly: So sorry, it slipped.
*Emma rushed out of the restaurant soaked to the bone.*
*By the time the restaurant had calmed down the Danluvahs and Dan were alreadly back at the agency.*
Dan: I can’t believe she punched you, Kells! I’m so sorry.
Kells: Oh not it’s okay. It’s not your fault.
Dan: But all of this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t hire you. Maybe I should just let you all go and just live with Emma coming after me…
Lyly: Um…I don’t think so!
Kate: Yeah if you think we’re giving up you’ve got another thing coming.
Dan: But Kells was hurt. I don’t want anymore of you hurt!
Jada: That’s very sweet of you Dan but I think we can take Emma! It’s just her against 6 danluvahs! Odds are on our side.
Dan: I’ll think about it. By the was, Lyly, nice touch with the tea at the end.
Lyly: It’s all in the wrist! *The danluvahs giggled.*
Dan: Well I need to go back to my hotel….anyone want to come?
*Everyone jumped up and …well….I’ll leave the rest to your imaginations.*

[mychemicalromance]

There you go Molly! 2 nice and long posts too make up for the weeks missed!!

[glow=red,2,300]~Rachel~[/glow]

[Rados]

Ah thanks Rachel. *huggles*